I needed to let the experience sit for a bit before I could write about it.
Having his kids over was great. Getting a little bit of time to establish my own expectations, teach about my methods of rule enforcement, and most importantly having an opportunity to bond without their father there was priceless. I feel a more familiar love taking root with them (as opposed to the regular love that one feels for any human being that represents the bright future of humanity) every chance we get to spend more time together.
I don't think I realized the amount of pressure hovering over me for the sleepover until the next morning. It was something I suggested to satisfy my boyfriend's desire to be methodical and thoughtful about getting our families more involved with each other. When he left that night I felt a bit abandoned and scared, even though I came up with the idea. The next morning, he arrived late and didn't join for breakfast, which exacerbated those feelings.
I went away for the rest of the weekend on a pre-planned trip to visit my best friend, and got to talk out loud about it, plenty. Now that I'm back home, the anxiety melted away and I simply feel that much closer both to him and his kids.
This experience wasn't really meant to be about me, so all of these feelings hit me from left field.
As far as the kids go, all four had a great time together, and his son was especially satisfied with the great fun he had.
Signing off tonight with a warm heart ♡
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